When Disobedience Equals Honor

When I was growing up, my parents were pretty strict. I was OK with their rules most of the time and didn't feel the need to rebel against them, but it wasn't until after I grew up and left their home that I realized how much their boundaries protected me. I thank God that He, too, placed high boundaries around me. Most notably, my nearly complete lack of boyfriend activity prior to meeting Steve. I wasn't nearly as OK with His limits in the moment. They just made me feel left out and weird. I spent a lot of time praying that he'd bring a man into my life. And I was frustrated a lot during the waiting. But looking back, I see that the unanswered prayers were, like my parents' rules, a merciful protection from harm.

Given my history, it's hard for me to imagine having parents who encourage you to sin. But this week's Boundless Answers column is in response to a woman who is living with her fiance because her parents want her to. And they think marriage should be postponed not only until after she finishes school, but preferably, till she's 30. Living with her fiance now, they reason, is good practice for marriage and insurance against divorce.

She wrote,

They are adamant that we live together, so we can see if we're compatible before marriage. You can probably see where this is going. We've fallen into sexual sin several times.

How can we convince my parents that it is a good idea for us to marry now? I can't think of any reasons they'd agree with, as they don't see any problems with premarital sex. It's really important to us that my parents are happy, and I don't want to dishonor them by going against their wishes. We really want to honor God, and honor my parents, but I just think two years is too long, and I'm worried we may sin again. Any ideas?

She's made of stronger stuff than I am. I know I would have fallen many, many times under those circumstances. I replied,

It sounds like your parents want you to have a meaningful relationship. And they're encouraging you to do what the conventional wisdom says is a wise path to marriage: test the relationship by living together. They're also against early marriage, again going with the current trend to delay marriage because it seems that later marriages are more likely to be satisfying and less likely to end in divorce.

But their good intentions aren't enough. Their worldly wisdom is clashing with your conscience. Because you know Jesus, and presumably are studying Scripture — His revealed will for our lives — you know your highest authority isn't them, but God, and God has revealed a plan for relationships, sex and marriage that's opposite of what they're asking you to do. This makes for a lot of gut-wrenching angst.

So what should you do?

To find out, read "Disobeying Your Parents."

Be Open to Opportunities

Yesterday, I mentioned the role books played in my romance with Steve. When he started talking books the first time we met, I was smitten. I love to read (mostly non-fiction), and meeting a man with a shared passion was thrilling. (Some of you may be wondering how anyone could use the words "passion," "books," and "thrilling" in the same sentence!) Thankfully, not everyone has to find books thrilling. That initial spark can be well, sparked, by all sorts of things. In the case of Kevin and Suzanne (our friends who came over last night for coffee), it was a wrist-encircling strip of leather with a few colored beads. I met Suzanne back in 2004 when I was editing Boundless. She submitted an article about surviving Christmas without the release of a new Lord of the Rings movie and when I finally got around to reading it (months after she sent it in), I liked it so much, I published it a few days later—evidence that letting email pile up unread can lead to missed opportunities!

Fast forward five years and forty-plus articles and you'll find Suzanne still writing for Boundless and helping single women have hope that God really is still in the business of making good matches. Talking with Suzanne and Kevin last night, I was reminded of God's creativity in forming new families. Their story is an encouragement to look with fresh eyes at opportunities you're tempted to write off— opportunities you may miss if you're not paying attention.

In the "Live Like You're Planning to Marry" chapter I write,

Steve looked different than the man I imagined I'd marry. When I first saw him I thought he was nice looking, but what really captured me was him. His intersts, his calling, his passion, his humor. All of him. And as we grew in friendship, I grew more attracted to his looks. (I know he'd say the same about me.)

Instead of asking, To whom as I attracted? start asking, Of my male friends, who would be a godly husband, strong partner, and good father? Thinking of men this way, yo might be surprised who captures your heart. Attraction isn't static. A man whose looks initially don't catch your eye may become a visual feast once you get to know his heart, his character, his personality. A face is just wrapping paper. You'd be a fool on Christmas day to discard gifts that had too much tape or reused bows, before you even looked to see what was inside. Sometimes the tackiest wrapping covers the best gift.

How We Met

I love hearing stories of how couples met. Whenever Steve and I host dinner parties, the question, "how did you meet?" is a staple for getting the conversation started.The answers, as varied as fingerprints, show God's creativity in bringing men and women together for marriage. Those stories renew my hope every time. God is the ultimate creative spirit; with the resources of the universe at His disposal. If ever there were a skilled matchmaker, HE IS IT!

Yesterday, as I posted an interview with Phil and Heather Joel, I was remembering their "how we met story." Phil was touring with the Newsboys and during one interview with a radio station in Kansas, he was told "there are only three mics in the studio." Since there were three Newsboys and one host, someone had to bow out. Phil did. It had everything to do with the cute receptionist out in the lobby.

Fast forward a bit and Phil is back on the road, a baggie of quarters in hand. This was pre-cell phones, people! He used the coins for payphone calls (do they even have those anymore?) to Heather. It's a great story. You can listen to the whole thing on the Boundless Show.

If you've read Get Married, you know how we met. It all started with a book. The first time Steve and I were introduced, the subject of books came up. In the course of conversation Steve mentioned he was reading Microserfs. As soon as I could—later that same day—I went and bought that book. I figured it was guaranteed conversation the next time we talked,

And we're still talking and reading books 14 years later.

We'll be asking the "how did you two meet?" question again tonight when Suzanne Hadley and her fiance Kevin come over for dessert. I'm intrigued by their story (older woman meets younger man at Starbucks) and eager to share more of it with you. Till then, you can read "A Year to Love" and be inspired by ongoing evidence of God's intimate involvement in "how we met."

Without God, We're Done For

It's one thing for us to talk about cutting excess from our schedules so we have more time with our kids. Trade out TV for reading time. Spend less time online in exchange for time at the park. You know, the usual time wasters. But when Newsboy-rock-and-roller Phil Joel, and his TV-personality-wife Heather, say it, it takes on a whole new level of seriousness. Phil and Heather have given up what most of us would only dream of having. Why? So they can spend more time at home with their kids. Recently we caught up with them to ask what you're probably thinking: Are you kidding me?

Did you always want kids? What kinds of thoughts did you have about children and family when you first got married?

We always knew we wanted to have kids one day!

What prompted you to start your family?

Heather: By the time we got pregnant, we’d been married five years. We’d had an amazing ride up to that point with it just being the two of us, but we both began to get that feeling that someone was missing. We prayed about it and felt a real excitement and peace.

What emotional or practical hurdles did you have to overcome in order to start your family?

Phil: It took us a little while to settle down and get certain things out of our systems—well, mainly Heather’s system. She was hosting a TV show for Country Music Television (CMT) up until the time she got pregnant and she really loved her job. She had to travel quite a bit and knew she didn’t want to keep up that kind of pace once we had children. We knew we wanted to be fully focused on parenting when we started into that season of our lives, so it was a bit of a mental transition out of the mindset of television and road tripping to the great and awesome job of being a momma.

How are you building such a vibrant and strong family; where do you go for advice and encouragement?

Heather: Our main strategy for our family is keeping it simple. We try not to allow our lives to get cluttered up with bunches of activities and stuff. Family dinners around the table, lots of reading, bike rides, talking and taking lots of time to “stop and smell the roses” are what we fill up our time with. We once heard the challenge “are you going to be a media-centered family or a relationship-centered family”? That question really impacted our thinking—we now use that as the measuring stick for the things we do.

We are big on finding great ideas and resources—anything we can get our hands on that we can enjoy together. We’re always on the look out for new things—we’re resource junkies!

Phil: Our best resource ever ... Heather has been blessed with the greatest mom on earth! She is the best sounding board, advice giver, encourager, truth speaker and is always there with a listening ear. We are so blessed to have her!

How has God revealed himself to you through your children?

The parent/child relationship is such a fascinating parallel to a person’s relationship with God the Father. God has given us that dynamic as an awesome picture of how He loves us completely and unconditionally while at the same time shaping, teaching, training, and growing us into the people He created us to be. We will always be children under His care no matter how old we are!

What surprised you most about becoming parents?

Heather: Over and over people would always say, ”make sure you get your sleep before the new baby comes” ... we’d think, “okay, okay ... we know.” Well apparently we were totally unable to prepare for our newfound lack of sleep. We had no idea how close to “insane zombie” you feel in the first few weeks with a newborn. It’s like your mind gets frozen and you walk around in a fog.

What's the most annoying toy or children's show/video that parenthood has brought into your life?

Heather: When any one theme can be found on pencils, vitamins, hair clips, toothbrushes, socks, underwear, gum, light switches, drinking cups, backpacks, tennis shoes, juice boxes, etc., it feels like somebody is set on extracting every last dollar from people’s wallets. Over-branding is a big turn off!

How has having children affected your marriage?

Phil: It’s made Heather and me really come together in a new way as a team. We are always talking through things relating to the kids as individuals as well as the way we are doing “family” as a whole.

How has it affected your career(s)?

Phil: Well, it’s led to quite a significant change for us. Two-and-a-half years ago, Heather and I decided that it was time for me to finish up my time with Newsboys (the band I’d been in for 12&1/2 years). We were on the road quite a bit and we realized that this kind of pace wouldn’t be healthy for us as a family long term. At the same time the Lord had really been putting this deliberatePeople ministry/message/music on my heart.

Heather and I knew that in life, seasons change and having a family really re-sets the playing field. We knew that if we wanted our family to thrive, we needed to make some significant changes regarding my job. I still get to do music and play shows, but my schedule is much more open. I get tons of time at home with Heather and the kids and I get to really focus on the things that God is putting on our hearts to share.

Phil, when do you find time to write music and record as a dad?

I am really blessed to be able to work out of my home studio in the back yard—it’s an old carriage house that we converted into a studio. I keep regular work hours writing and recording. I have an “open door” policy with friends and family—the kids (and friends) are always popping in for visits. It’s a huge blessing!

A friend of ours describes the family as a "domestic church." What's life like in your "domestic church"?

Phil: We know that the key element in our family is my walk with the Lord and Heather’s walk with Him. If we are to be the godly leaders in our home and shepherds of our children’s hearts, we have got to be seeking Him, knowing Him, and looking toward Him as our provider. If we try and take on the huge task of raising our family in this culture on our own, we are done for. As we are pursuing the Lord each day and relying on His strength, vision and strategies, we can be confident that He will lead us and show us the things we need to know in order to lead and grow up our family.

It starts with us and the Lord individually, and from there it directly impacts our marriage and then the way we raise our children.

-----------------------

Before launching deliberatePeople. in 2005, Phil Joel was bassist and support vocalist for the Newsboys. He and his wife Heather, former host of CMT's All Access and Hit Trip, have two children, Phynley (8) and Eden (5).

The Joels realized how having a deliberate encounter with God everyday was the key to greater intimacy with Him and how this lifestyle would revolutionize peoples’ lives.

Learn more about their ministry and music at deliberatePeople.com

(Note: You can hear Phil and Heather tell more of their story on the Boundless Show.)

The Benefits of a Dinner Party, and Other Creative Meeting Places

If you're burned out on the personals and typical internet dating sites, tired of meeting people who aren't good matches, but still hope to get married, there are some creative things you can do to improve your prospects. When it comes to finding a spouse, magazines, popular radio and TV personalities offer advice that are, at best, void of faith, and at worse, embarrassing or manipulative. At the other end of the spectrum are churches and sources of religious advice. They too often curtail their message, leaving many to conclude the most aggressive thing they can do to speed up the process is pray harder. And praying is a great place to start. But beyond that, what, if anything, can a single person do to pursue marriage?

Get out there.You don't have to go to every singles event in town to feel like you're making a worthy effort. Look instead for activities you enjoy. Pursue hobbies, attend church meetings, go to a book club or sporting event—whatever interests you. You're more likely to find someone with similar interests if you're engaged in an activity you both enjoy when you meet. If, on the other hand, you go to events or places you dread just because you think available potential mates will be attending, the people you meet there probably won't thrill you either.

Be discerning. Even if you enjoy an occasional glass of wine, I would never suggest bars or other potentially seedy hangouts as a place to start a meaningful relationship. Loud music, sensual dancing and excessive drinking and smoking aren't generally the recipe for a substantial relationship foundation.

Entertain in your home. If you're a true homebody and a night on the town sounds dreadful, host some events in your home. Consider inviting a few single friends over for a dinner party or game night, or host an extreme makeover party and get your friends in on the action—with a few gallons of paint, you can give your living room (or whole house) a face lift with the opportunity to grow closer in the process.

The added bonus is that by playing host or hostess, you'll get to display some of your unique talents in a very obvious and complimentary way. Guys, girls are impressed when a man takes care of his home, demonstrating stewardship. Likewise, men are attracted to women who show traditional nurturing and homemaking skills. To make the night even more interesting, challenge everyone to bring one person of the opposite sex that will be new to the group. That way everyone has the chance to meet someone new.

Check your motives. If you're avoiding activities you know you might enjoy—especially when eligible singles will be there—ask yourself why. Are you giving in to your insecurities? Does fear keep you from enjoying life? If there are underlying reasons why you're not engaging in social events, ask God in prayer and through Scripture to help you understand why. Talk with a trusted mentor, your parents or pastor about it. They may well have insights on things you're overlooking.

Join a local church. Though going to church just to meet a mate isn't a good motivation, active involvement and investment in the body can provide wonderful relationship help, both in how to relate with God and with people.

Look for a body that encourages and celebrates marriage. Does the singles group have high turnover as members marry, or are people stuck there for life? Are you meeting spiritually mature singles? Is there a vibrant, sizeable percentage of the congregation that is single? Or are you the only one? Even if you are, that's not all bad. What about the older members? They likely have sons and daughters, nephews and nieces, cousins, etc. they could introduce you to. Remember the importance of intergenerational relationships and the power of networking.

State your intentions. Do the people in your life know you desire marriage? Do they know the qualities you're seeking in a mate? They might be willing accomplices in the search — and even helpful ones at that — if they do. Don't be afraid to admit your desire for marriage. It's a high calling. The Bible gives two possible paths for singles: lifelong celibate service and marriage. If you're not on the first road, live with intentionality toward the second. It will make the journey more enjoyable and the destination more probable.

And for the Bride and Groom: a Pacifier

News, and evidence, of delay abounds. People are getting married later and having babies later, as the graying moms pushing prams at the playground prove. But not everyone is following the ways of the culture around us. Our friends Ted and Ashleigh took a different path. She writes,

I grew up viewing the wedding reception as a time to celebrate a newly formed marriage, not a time to start thinking about having babies. But thanks to my dad, ours became both.

While other family members and friends toasted us with congratulations—recalling the past and wishing us the best for the future—my dad took his toast a step further. He ended with this exhortation, "And finally, I expect you to be faithful to obey the first command in all of Scripture, and that is to be fruitful and multiply." He then handed my new husband, Ted, a pacifier—a tangible reminder that in God's design marriage and children go hand in hand.

In the early months of our marriage, my mom continued where my dad left off. On a regular basis, she encouraged us not to put off having kids. As someone who had her own children early in life, she recognized the value of having children in your youth. And, since my husband was in his mid-30s, she knew the clock was already ticking for us.

My parents' encouragement, paired with our church culture where many couples where expecting babies within the first year and a half of marriage, changed my mindset. I went from believing it was good to wait several years before having kids (after all, I was still in my 20s and believed there was plenty of time for children), to being ready and willing to have them sooner. As a result, when we were surprised with pregnancy after being married only eight months, I felt ready. The news of a baby wasn't simply unexpected, but welcome.

Now six and half years after our wedding reception and my dad's toast, we're the parents of three children five years of age and younger. Each day as we look at these little faces, we are freshly grateful that we didn't put off starting our family.

Ashleigh isn't just living her convictions privately, she has a webzine dedicated to helping women at all stages of life embrace their faith and make it real in their lives. Her webzine, Ungrind, is an encouraging place with weekly articles, a blog and more.

Something Only God Could Orchestrate

I know a lot of single women who'd like to be married. I hear from them by email and at Boundless and my heart breaks for them—and if that describes you, for you. I wish it were easier to get married in this culture. But just because it isn't easy, doesn't mean it's impossible. I'm often wowed by the stories of God working in unlikely circumstances to bring redemption. The following is just one example of a marriage long desired and prayed for. I asked the author, Carmen, if I could share it with you. And so, with Carmen's blessing, here's her story. I hope it encourages you as much as it did me.

Hi Candace,

It was about a year and a half ago that I got my hands on your book Get Married. I'd just gotten out of a short-lived relationship and was bemoaning the fact that I was (again) single, asking myself, "Where are all the godly men?"

Your book, though, re-inspired me, teaching me to increase my expectation in God and the desire for a godly marriage that He'd placed on my heart. I began praying in a whole new way, sparking a fervor and love for prayer that I still hold deeply to. It was invigorating for me and I did as your book suggested—getting a group of other godly women together to read your book and pray for one another about getting married. (You had found my blog at one point where I talked about how much I enjoyed Get Married.)

In less than six months of praying this way and seeking God with this kind of anticipation, I met the most godly single man. Up to this point, so many of the Christian men I'd interacted with were hardly spiritual leaders, much less challenging my faith (in a positive, iron-sharpening-iron kind of way). So when I met this man, I was excited—only to find out that he was 5 years younger than me (I was 25, he was 20 and still in college). But having read your article on Boundless that encouraged women to compromise on the superficial and keep high standards when it comes to character/faith, I decided to step out in faith when he (out of the blue) asked me out on a date.

The beautiful thing about this is that this was the first time when I wasn't the one doing "the chasing" or flirting with him. I did my best to guard my heart—even trying to not sit by him when we'd chaperon youth group events because up to then I thought he had absolutely no interest and I didn't want to put my heart through any more "false hopes."

As it turns out, God was totally in control of this situation (surprise, surprise), and put it on his heart to ask me out. Nine months later, he proposed, and a week ago we got married. He is the most godly man I've ever met, and he is now my best friend and my husband. It's something that only God could orchestrate and I'm blown away even now as I remember how incredible of a journey it has been. Yes, we have our moments and marriage (even at this point) has been a very humbling experience—but that's been one of the great parts about it, that it's grown me so much and I know it will continue to. As much as I did want to get married, I knew it was more about who I married rather than just that I got married. And that's the part that I love the most—God brought that man (and so much more) to me!

I wanted to share this testimony to you as a way to say "thank you" for the message you've shared with my generation and also just as a way of praising God for the beautiful things He does each and every day, with this being among them. Thanks so much for stepping out in faith with this book; it really has challenged my faith and grown me for the better.

Best, Carmen

If you have a similar story of answered prayer, won't you share it? Please leave a comment or drop me an email.

FamilyMaking around the Web

Yesterday, Albert Mohler talked on his radio show about "The Case for (Early) Marriage," the Mark Regnerus cover story in this month's Christianity Today magazine. It's an exceptional article that, while sobering, offers much hope in the way of exposing the problem of extended singleness in such a visible and influencial place. Being an avid Twitter user, I saw Dr. Mohler's tweet asking for callers so I figured it was worth a try to get through. And I did, on the first try. It was fun to talk to him on-air about the challenges facing single women in their desire for marriage, as well as the role men play in putting it off. You can listen to the whole show, including our conversation, here.

Monday, Boundless published, "Working Full Time as a Stay at Home Wife," my response to a woman who is nearly finished with her degree and about to get married. She's thinking about forgoing a full-time job to focus on her husband, her home, and her ministry, but she's wondering if that would be lazy or selfish. I guessed her question and my answer might stir up some controversy, and true to form, there's quite a debate over on the Boundless Line blog. You can join the conversation--95 comments and counting--here.

Finally, after a lull in book news, there are three Get Married interviews coming up that I wanted to let you know about.

Family Life Today -- Steve and I flew to Arkansas this past April to record interviews with hosts Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine. It was a lot of fun to see the FL studios in person and an added bonus, we got to visit some of our best friends while we were there.

We originally planned to discuss Start Your Family, but thankfully, they decided to add a session on Get Married, too! The Get Married interview will air first on August 31-September 1. You'll be able to listen to Steve and me talk about our dating days, as well as the challenges facing singles, and the active role God calls women to play in marrying well. This is a national show; for station info in your area, visit their website.

Focus on the Family -- This one followed on the heels of a lot of prayer. I was thrilled to get the call that Dr. Dobson wanted to talk about Get Married on air. Even better, he invited my good friend Carolyn McCulley to join, and together, with co-host John Fuller, we recorded three days of broadcasts about being single, hoping for marriage, trusting God and more. Also a national show, you'll be able to listen on your radio (station guide) or online. The show is slated to air October 12-14 (station guide).

Focus on the Family Weekend Magazine -- Part of the "Tough Questions" series, this conversation with host Juli Slattery also includes Lisa Anderson (host of the Boundless Show podcast) and a drop in from a few other single listeners. The interview, which aired earlier this year in two parts on the Boundless Show, will be spread over several Saturdays in November.

That's all for now. If you'd like a more efficient way to stay up-to-date with what's happening, you can follow us on Twitter @SteveWatters, @CandiceWatters).

Reason #101 to Have Kids

Looking forward to family vacation.

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

And this year promises to be better than ever with five new cousins added to our clan. Including our own 7-month-old Teddy, we have the twins (Kate and Lizzy) born just a day after T., 4-month-old Lincoln, and 1-year-old Willa. I can't wait to get my camera focused on the five new additions. It should prove to be a lively reunion with 22 of us in all!

Holiday Reading

Next to Christmas and Easter, Independence Day is my favorite holiday. I love the annual reminder that our freedom isn't free and that we have a rare history for which to be grateful. Steve and I started watching The Birth of Freedom last night and after we finish that, we're going to continue in our viewing of John Adams (it's amazing how long it can take us to watch a series these days!). If you're looking for some good reminders of how precious liberty is—and how costly—both are excellent. I'd also recommend reading the Declaration of Independence (thanks to the LA Times for republishing it here). And if you can play some John Philip Sousa music while you're reading, all the better. (You can get free MP3 files of his marches played by the United States Marine Band here.)

Even the Shortest Lives

Since writing Start Your Family and trying to find new ways to get the word out about it, we've spent a lot of time reading Mom blogs and getting to know the awesome women behind them. In the process, we've discovered a whole universe of couples longing to be pregnant, grieving babies lost through miscarriage, agonizing over terminal diagnoses for babies in utero, and questioning why—in a culture where life is so cheap—they, who believe life is sacred, would lose their children so early. When reading their stories, It's impossible to miss the value of these lives cut short. For example, today I saw this—"71 Days"—on Greg Sponberg's blog. It's a tribute to his, and wife Nicol's, son Luke. (The song will be on Nicol's new solo project.)

Solomon said "He has set eternity in the hearts of men." That's never more true than when you lose a baby. Parents grieving the death of an infant long doubly for heaven. It is there we will finally hold the little ones who fled our arms too soon.

HT: @angelac519

Reason # 59 to Have Kids

Swings!

There's nothing quite as sweet as the squeals of delight from a girl on a swing. Unless it's the coos of the little guy, in a swing for the first time.

Until the middle guy sees someone else in his swing.

Thankfully, they worked it out.

Path to Family Turns into Path to Faith

"[I]t is the desire to give not only life but a good way of life to our children that opens us toward a serious concern for the true, the good, and even the holy," write Leon and Amy Kass in the introduction to their book Wing to Wing, Oar to Oar. "Parental love of children leads once wayward sheep back into the fold of church and synagogue. In the best case, it can even be the beginning of the sanctification of life..."

That was kind of the case for Jennifer Fulwiler and her husband. Over a five-year period, they got married, started a family and grew into people of strong faith. But Jennifer wasn't just a wayward sheep returning to church. Her path to family also prompted a path from atheism to a profound belief in God.

Her powerful story is next in our interview series.

What kinds of thoughts did you have about children and family a decade ago?

A decade ago, I was certain that I did not want to have children. I had an exciting career and thought that getting promotions and going on exotic vacations was the meaning of life.

What prompted you to start your family?

As I reached my late 20's, my biological clock started ticking and I started to think that I would regret it if I chose not to have any kids. Even before our religious conversion, my husband and I had decided before we got married that we did want to have one or two kids, especially since we're both only children. When we got married, we thought we'd have plenty of time to plan it all out -- I had been diagnosed with a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and told that I'd need a lot of medical intervention in order to have children. Three months into our marriage, we found out we were pregnant.

How has God revealed himself to you through your children?

It was only after I had children that I realized what agape -- self-sacrificing love -- is all about. I found that, ironically, the deep, lasting happiness I'd been seeking when I was an atheist obsessed with career and travel can only be found in God himself. And you can only really know God when you're living a life of agape.

What surprised you most about becoming a mom?

How much I love each of my children, and how much fun it can be. Before I had kids everyone had told me doom-and-gloom stories about how hard having children is, so I wasn't prepared for all the good parts.

What's the most annoying toy or children's show/video that parenthood has brought into your life?

I can't stand battery-operated toys! It seems like every time we clean up and put toys back in the toy box it takes 30 minutes for all the random noises to stop.

How has having children affected your marriage?

It's completely transformed it. It was through our children and our religious conversion that we realized that marriage is not about each spouse seeking his or her own amusement -- it's about serving God by serving others.

What have you learned through the highs and lows of starting a family?

There's an old saying that "every baby comes with a loaf of bread under his arm." When I first heard that I was recovering from a serious complication in my second pregnancy, crushed with more than ten thousand dollars of medical debt that resulted from that medical issue, trying to keep up with a two-year-old and a five-month-old, didn't have a car that would hold more than two car seats, still didn't have health insurance that covered pregnancy...and I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant. I rolled my eyes at the idea that things would somehow work out with this new pregnancy; I felt sure that a new baby would push us past some kind of mental or financial limit. And yet, it turned into an amazing opportunity to see just how much God does bless the arrival of new life. It took my faith to a whole new level to watch how God held us in the palm of his hands through all the challenges we faced. It was through that situation that I went from having a sort of lukewarm, mostly intellectual faith to having a deep relationship with Christ.

When do you find time to read/blog/write as a parent?

Usually during the kids' daily nap/quiet time. My mother and mother-in-law are also very involved in our lives, so I often get breaks when the kids are with them.

A Catholic friend of ours describes the home as a "domestic church." What's life like in your "domestic church"?

Well, with four kids under age five, it's noisy. :) To be honest, things have been so chaotic these past few years that we have not implemented a lot of the ideas that we'd like to do to make our home feel more like a domestic church such as daily Bible readings or nightly family rosaries. But we do say daily prayers, and my husband and I try to make it clear through our actions and our words that God comes first in our house.

What advice would you give a couple considering starting a family?

Be not afraid.

In our culture there's this idea that you have to have everything perfect before you can have a baby. I think there's a lot of fear of the unknown when it comes to having children, as well as a worry that something might go wrong, and people feel like they can avoid having any difficulties if they just plan enough. At some point, you have to set aside the spreadsheets and the "what if"'s and accept that some things will go wrong and you will face unexpected challenges, and that that's OK, because God will be right there with you. While prudent consideration is certainly warranted, I would recommend that people err on the side of openness to life. Any stresses that a new child brings into your life will be infinitely outweighed with love.

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Jennifer chronicles the story of her growing faith and growing family at Conversion Diary (you can also follow her at Twitter). She's in the process of writing a book about her story.