How should you respond if a non-Christian asks you out?

Last week I answered a question from a woman who isn't sure how to turn down a date with an unbeliever. She wrote,

A few weeks ago a non-Christian asked me out. I didn't know he was interested in me, was taken off guard, and didn't know how to respond. I felt very uncomfortable saying, "Sorry, I won't spend time with you because you aren't a Christian." Instead, I made up a lame excuse and left. I'm sure that was not the best way to handle the situation. It certainly wasn't honest. What do you think is the most sensitive and loving way to explain that you only date other Christians?

It's a good question both because it reaffirms the biblical command to only date and marry believers, but also because it reminds us that some ways of saying no are better than others. I replied,

In order to follow through on your desire to date and marry a believer, you must love Christ above all else. He must be more valuable to you than any human relationship — He must be your greatest treasure. Then, rooted in His love and empowered by the Holy Spirit, you will not only have the ability to obey His commands, you will also be able to do so — including saying no to a date with an unbeliever — in ways that testify to your faith.

So what to do in this specific situation you’ve raised? In short, you should reply “No, thank you.” Said with a smile, those three little words are powerful for guarding you from all sorts of undesirable situations. ... sometimes it’s necessary to say more than that. I agree it’s not a good idea to say, “Sorry, I won't spend time with you because you aren't a Christian.” But you can certainly say, “As a Christian, I’m committed to dating only those who share my faith.” A response like this may cause a young man to stop and think, and may open his eyes to the Gospel.

You can read my full answer at Boundless.org.

How can I break up with an unbelieving boyfriend without turning him off to the faith?

Last week I received an email from a woman wondering about the best way to break up with her unbelieving boyfriend. She wrote,

I have decided to break up with my non-Christian boyfriend. Should I tell him that my main reason for doing so is his lack of faith and thereby risk turning him off to Christianity forever? Or should I withhold this information so that he won't associate my faith with the pain of being dumped?

I care a lot about him, and I definitely want him to find God on his own someday. I'm just afraid that I will do or say something to jeopardize his journey. Is there a way to do this kindly and honestly without damaging his view of God?

I love getting questions like this, especially when they're full of faith in the God who convicts us of sin and gives us strength to obey. I replied,

I'm so thankful you're willing to do what's painful in order to obey God's Word (1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14). This is evidence of the Holy Spirit's conviction. You're right that how you do this is important for how he perceives God. I don't think you should tell him your main reason for ending your romantic relationship is his lack of faith, however. Instead, I think you should tell him it's yours. ...

It's not your boyfriend's fault that this is ending so much as it's your responsibility that it began. As the believer in the relationship, you are the one who knows what God requires. If you're trusting in Christ's atoning work on the cross, you have the Spirit of Christ within you to empower you to obey. Rather than telling him it's over because of a faith he doesn't have — and risk a false conversion or, as you fear, a reason for him to be bitter about Christianity — explain that you were wrong to date him once you knew he didn't believe the Gospel. Tell him you're sorry for misleading him about your faith.

You can read my full answer at Boundless.org.

How can I tactfully let people know my desire for marriage?

When I was single, I was embarrassed to admit my desire for marriage because it felt like an admission of defeat. Thankfully God sent an older, wiser woman to help me see the benefits of enlisting help and letting people know that I hoped to marry one day. What does it look like to express the God-given desire for marriage in a way that doesn't come across too strong? Following is my answer to this question from a 26-year-old professional single woman. Q: I am pursuing an exciting career — but one that I would be willing to put aside to get married and start a family. It is my ultimate goal to bring God glory whether married or single, and since I am single right now, I am enjoying pursuing a professional goal.

However, at times I am suspicious that my current career focus may be getting in the way of being able to realize my marriage-and-family dream. Since I've embarked on my professional journey, I have been asked out much less, and my interactions with guys have turned much more professional. I find that the young men in my life show a high respect for me and give me support and affirmation in my professional journey (which I'm thankful for) but not much romantic interest.

How can I balance professional goals but also tactfully make it known that I want to be married?

A: The desire to let eligible men know you're interested in marriage without sounding desperate has long been a dance between grace and wit, but lately, it's gotten even trickier. In earlier times, marriage was the hope and goal of most women. It was the cornerstone for men and women, the foundation upon which adulthood was built.

Increasingly though, marriage researchers say it's the capstone, the final flourish added to the already completed structure. Many in our culture, while not happy about this trend, are willingly following the script that makes it so. Women are excelling in college and grad school, out-earning their male peers, and delaying marriage. The more they're cheered for doing so, the harder it is to prioritize marriage.

But it's not impossible. <Click here to read the full answer.>

Just Friends Limbo

When Steve and I were first becoming friends--and I was hoping it would become something more--he was dating someone else. The "other woman" is part of the high-jinx of our story and it seems to resonate with a lot of women. So today I answer a question from a woman who's wondering if she (or her friend) should do the same. She asks,

In Get Married, you explained how as you and Steve were becoming friends, he dated another woman for a short season. If a woman is growing in friendship and connecting well with a guy to whom she is attracted, but he is dating someone else, what would you advise her to do? Should she continue to develop the friendship? How can she discern if God wants her to forget about the guy and move on, or to continue to hope and pray for a relationship with him?

It's always tricky, and maybe a bit risky, to speak to someone else's situation from your own. This question is a good reminder of that! Here's some of my reply:

This is a perceptive question and a reminder that much of what I share from my own story is descriptive (it tells what did happen) and not necessarily prescriptive (telling what should happen). To know what we should do in any given situation, we have to go to God's Word, the Bible. It's there that we learn who we are, who God is and what He requires of us. We learn of our design — how we were made by God to flourish, and how, because of our sin nature, we often limp along against the grain of that design.

There is no verse in the Bible that says, "Thou shalt not hope a man who's dating someone else will become available for you to marry." Nor is there a verse that says you should. What's needed in situations like this is wisdom (see the book of Proverbs, especially chapters 2, 8 and 9). It may help to ask some questions about the situation.

To read the rest of my answer, and see what those questions are, read "What if the guy I like is dating someone else?"

A Social Network That Takes Marriage Seriously

Dr. Brad Wilcox is one of the top family scholars in America. His research at the University of Virginia focuses on marriage and cohabitation and on the ways that gender, religion, and children influence the quality and stability of American family life.

A few years ago, Dr. Wilcox took the time to answer a few questions from us about how couples go about forming families today and the role parents, pastors and mentors can play in supporting them. The following is a reprint from that interview:

Based on the research you’ve seen, do you have a sense of how many American couples go into marriage and parenting with a sufficient amount of vision and preparation? Is it the majority or the minority?

Most couples in the United States who marry are exposed to cursory or no marital preparation. They may attend one or two sessions with a layperson, pastor, or priest but generally do not get the thorough preparation they need to increase their odds of marital success.

On the other hand, a large minority of couples who get married in churches are exposed to a premarital preparation that does a good job of inventorying their strengths and weaknesses, preparing them for the key challenges of married life (e.g., money, sex, children, gender differences in relationship styles, and learning to sacrifice for the good of their spouse), and giving them a theological framework for thinking about marriage and family life.

A hundred years ago, parents, pastors and mentors played a very active role in helping couples in the United States to marry well and then to support them in starting a family. Today, couples are much more autonomous in their approach to family making. What difference does that make?

Well, we know that is hard for couples to go it alone, and yet they are now more likely to try to do that, as research by Paul Amato at Penn State and his colleagues indicates. The problem with couples trying to do it all on their own is that no spouse is capable of meeting their spouse’s deepest desires for intimacy and meaning and—of course—no spouse is perfect.

By contrast, couples who have family members, friends, and fellow churchgoers who are committed to their marriage are likely to get advice, as well as moral and practical support, that makes married life easier for them. In fact, we know that one of the best predictors of marital success is being embedded in a social network that takes marriage seriously. So couples should seek out friends who share their commitment to marriage.

What do churches and families stand to gain by coming alongside couples in their paths to marriage and family?

Marriage is one of the most important social supports of faith in America. Adults who are married are much more likely to attend church than are adults who are single or divorced. This is especially true for men. Likewise, children who have been raised in a stable, intact, married home are much more likely to stick with their faith than are children who have been affected by divorce or single parenthood.

What are the simplest things pastors, parents and mentors can do to influence how the next generation of families form?

One of the most important things that pastors and lay leaders in churches can do to strengthen marriage is to provide their adult members, and the youth in their church, with a realistic model of married life.

Marriage is not about finding and sustaining an ideal soulmate relationship. Yes, love is important. But marriage is also about regular sex, having and rearing children, providing practical and emotional support to a spouse, establishing a common economic enterprise, treating one’s kin (including one’s in-laws) with love and respect, and growing in the faith.

Paradoxically, couples who understand that marriage is about many different goods in life (not just an intense emotional relationship) are more likely to enjoy a happy, lifelong marriage than couples who see marriage through a soulmate lens.

———————————-

W. Bradford Wilcox is Director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, Associate Professor of Sociology at the University of Virginia, and a member of the James Madison Society at Princeton University.

Brad Wilcox earned his undergraduate degree at the University of Virginia and his Ph.D. at Princeton University. Prior to coming to the University of Virginia, he held research fellowships at Princeton University, Yale University and the Brookings Institution.

Mr. Wilcox’s research focuses on marriage, parenthood, and cohabitation, and on the ways that gender, religion, and children influence the quality and stability of American marriages and family life. He has published articles on marriage, cohabitation, parenting, and fatherhood in The American Sociological Review, Social Forces, The Journal of Marriage and Family and The Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion. With Nicholas Wolfinger, Wilcox is now writing a book titled, Soul Mates: Religion, Sex, Children, & Marriage among African Americans and Latinos, for Oxford University Press. With Eric Kaufmann, Wilcox is finishing a book on the causes and consequences of low fertility in the West. He is also the coauthor of Gender and Parenthood: Biological and Social Scientific Perspectives (forthcoming from Columbia University Press).

Men Aren't the Problem, Sin Is

It's easy to see the sin in people around us. Especially when it causes us pain. For single women, the temptation is to see all the failings of single men and think "they're the reason I'm not married!" What's harder is looking objectively at sin in our own hearts. That's the subject of my article published today on Boundless called "The Trouble with Men is the Same Trouble with Women." I wrote,

We're quick to notice where men stumble — abdicating their responsibility, abusing their authority, being passive and failing at work — but in our culture, the thing that God said would be a curse on women — desiring to use their strength to displace men — is the very thing our culture esteems. We praise the achievements of women, even when they come at the expense of men. But life isn't a competition, a cosmic matchup of boys vs. girls. We need each other. And for those of us who believe in Christian marriage, especially so.

I hope this article will help single men and women who grew up in a unisex culture figure out how to get married in a way that is consistent with God's design.

If you're already married and are the parents of boys and girls, now is the time to help them think biblically about what it means to be created male and female, with the same essence, but different purposes. I appreciate this article by Doug Phillips because it helps me think more deeply about my own tendency toward unisex child rearing. Turns out it's not helpful. I suspect a lot of frustrated singles would agree.

Here's a snippet:

While boys have to be taught to be protective of their sisters, girls have to be taught to expect that protection. This has to be done in a way that does not inculcate a pampered "entitlement" mindset, but more like a grounding in the way the permanent things are. The differences between the sexes are just there, like gravity.

Boys should be taught that they are to protect their sisters "from the dragon," and the very first thing this means is that they must refrain from turning into the dragon themselves. When the protector turns into the very thing that protection is needed from, the result for the girl involved is nightmarish. ...

There are many marriage problems that began as untended squabbles between siblings.

I hope you'll take a few minutes to read both articles.

Recent Roundup

Tuesday Candice joined radio host Debbie Chavez to talk about being single, hoping for marriage, living like you're planning to marry, and more in an interview about Get Married.

The interview was live but she's posted a link to the archive here.

Also Tuesday, Boundless ran Candice's article How to Pray for a Husband.

If you've read "Pray Boldly," this will read like a part 2. If you haven't, it's a primer on the way we approach God in our desire for marriage. Here's an excerpt:

Things may not turn out how you want. In C.S. Lewis' The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Susan asked Mr. Beaver about Aslan saying, "Is he — quite safe?" Mr. Beaver replied, "Safe? Who said anything about safe? Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you." You can know that wherever your journey with Him leads, it will be good.

Believe God is able. Trust Him. But know that believing and trusting aren't the same as setting yourself up for bitter disappointment if He doesn't answer you the way you hope He will. God is calling us to faith, like Shadrach, Mesach and Abednego. (keep reading)

Suzanne Gosselin blogged about the article on theBoundless Line blog, talking about how she prayed for marriage when she was single, and how her husband prayed for her.

Monday's Q&A was in response to a question from a woman who dated a non-believer, conceived his child, had a miscarriage, and is now wondering if she needs to tell her family. That and how to move forward in a new relationship that has the potential to go to marriage. You can read the whole exchange in "Hope for a Broken Life."

How Important is Chemistry in Dating?

"I've been dating this guy (pre-med, kind of nerdy, logical, strategic type of guy) for two years. He is smart, consistent, predictable, and incredibly faithful. He wants to honor me, provide for me, and marry me. He has been very intentional with my parents and with his desire to love and cherish only me. I love him very much, but we do not have the same "chemistry" that I shared with my last boyfriend. We have problems and have to work through them. We disagree on things and have to compromise. There is no "magic" and I feel I could logically live without him if we broke up.

"I just saw my old boyfriend again this week and was reminded again how strong the chemistry is between us. I miss the life, excitement, and passion of the first guy, but obviously he is not the right mate for me. I have a logical love for the second guy, but can I marry him knowing that we do not have a similar connection?

"My mom thinks that I should not dismiss chemistry and should seriously consider not marrying the second guy because I do not have the same connection. I don't want to go through life thinking about what I might have had if I had waited it out for a better connection. But I also don't want to pass up a great guy who adores me and wants to marry me and make me happy."

That's the question on today's Boundless Answers. What would you say? Here's how I answered.

"Get Married Young" Week

That's what it looks like over on Boundless. Yesterday I answered a question from a Mom writing on behalf of her daughter who's 20. She's seriously dating a man 22 and they want to get married. Soon. Foolish, right? It's depends on who you ask. I wrote,

Despite a long history of young people getting married and having children during their prime season of fertility, conventional wisdom at this minute seems bent on the notion that the longer you wait to get married, the more prepared, self-aware, and divorce-proof you'll be.

Is such wisdom true?

A number of insightful articles and even a book have been released very recently that dispel those myths. There is nothing magical about the passage of time that makes you better prepared to get, or be, married. An intentional 20-year-old can be more ready to wed than a 30-year-old who's simply let time go by with no thought to becoming one in marriage. And it's often those who've walked away from an early proposal who are disappointed and frustrated that another (or a better one) hasn't materialized later on.

Age at first marriage matters. But it's not everything. And its effect is often overstated, or misconstrued. (You can read the full article here.)

Also on Boundless today is a 2-part article by Heather Koerner. In "I Got Married Young," she ponders (along with her husband Kevin) if they should have gotten married even earlier than they did.

Kevin thinks so.

"Do you think we should have gotten married younger?" [She asked him.]

"Absolutely," he called back, head still buried in the fridge.

"Really?" I was a little surprised by the quick confidence of his answer. In over a decade of marriage, I couldn't remember us ever discussing this before.

He took a break from his snack searching and turned around to where I was snuggled in with my laptop. "Well, of course," he repeated, "don't you?" [keep reading]

It's a good time to rethink our assumptions about age of first marriage. With so much data now showing the benefits of not waiting, we're free to be about forming families for God's glory sooner rather than later.

Get married

Getting married is more than a lifestyle option or just something that would be "nice if it happens." Not only is marriage good and natural to want, it's what most of us are called to pursue. That's the message of Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen.

There's a difference between making it happen and helping it happen. This isn't a book about desperation or the hyper activity of joining every dating service and singles group. It's not about making cold calls or tackling a list of 100 tips for meeting hot men.

Get Married is about living like you're planning to marry. It presents a lifestyle that esteems marriage, encourages men, empowers women, and embraces Christian community and a biblical understanding of what marriage is for. Most importantly, it shows women that marriage is a worthy goal that's within their grasp.

You can be content with where you are today and still desire marriage in a way that honors God. And there are things you can do to help it happen.

See all posts related to getting married.

ENDORSEMENTS

Candice Watters offers genuine help to Christians thinking about marriage, adulthood, and God's purpose for humanity.

R. Albert Mohler Jr., from the Foreword

A hopeful and empowering message for Christian women.

Danielle Crittenden, Author, What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman

Get Married is forceful, persuasive, and a must-read for today's Christian single.

Gary Thomas, Author, Sacred Marriage

Get Married not only brings healing and renewal to the Christian single confused by scriptural misinterpretation, it offers them practical advice to get to the altar.

Debbie Maken, Author, Getting Serious about Getting Married

WHAT READERS ARE SAYING

After reading your book, I finally had a breakthrough! I realized that it was not wrong for me to desire marriage, and that marriage is the normal state for most people. Your book also gave me great hope that I can do more than just pray, and not be too forward. For once in my life, I actually was hearing encouragement rather than discouragement about my desire to get married! It was truly a breath of fresh air!  --Molly

Thank you for writing Get Married. I Kissed Dating Goodbye-type messages were appropriate for me at 15 and 16, but at 23-years-old this is exactly what I (and other single women) need to hear. The applicable and practical advice of appropriately balancing God's role and our role in marrying well was fabulous. Thank you! --Emily

I just finished reading your awesome book. It was inspiring and enlightening to read, even the sections directed primarily toward women. It helped me have a better appreciation of what my Christian sisters go through. --Jeremy

I received your book as a 31st birthday present from my younger sister. I found it very encouraging, as well as practical. About a year ago, I felt prompted to make my future marriage a matter of daily prayer, and your book strengthened me in this resolve. Your writing has also encouraged me to be more open to set-ups or other unexpected avenues that God might want to use.

I liked the book so much, I lent it to my parents, who married early, and aren't sure how to encourage me in my prolonged singleness. They say little, but pray a lot. I think it's safe to say that they're suffering right along with me, and my four unmarried younger sisters. Since they read the book, I've already noticed more hope in our conversations on the subject, and I think they are praying with renewed faith. My dad really appreciated your lucid explanation of the fact that God calls most people to marriage. He said that everybody should read it, and even recommended it to our pastor. --Elisabeth

Ready to start the journey? Read the excerpt that follows, then order the book.

EXCERPT: "Marriage is Good"

You may have a hunch it's not as easy to get married as it once was. If so, you're right. Since 1970, the marriage rate has declined 50 percent. In that time, the proportion of American women ages 25–29 who have not married has quadrupled. Currently the average age of first marriages is 26 for women, 27 for men — as old as it's ever been. Conventional wisdom says later marriage means the bride and groom will be more prepared for the responsibilities of marriage, but many women are ready now. And they're frustrated by the delay. Sociologists blame the delay on the additional educational and career development necessary to marry well. Add to that the confusion over gender roles, cultural worship of youth, the lack of biblical literacy, uninvolved parents and extended family, the fallout from divorce, disengaged social circles, and an often silent church and you have the makings for much uncertainty. Women are left wondering, what's the best path to marriage?

... If in the midst of these cultural realities, "just pray and wait" sentiments leave you depressed, I think you'll be encouraged by the message of this book: there's something you can do.

Whether you're wondering if you'll ever get a date, stuck in a "just-friends" relationship or worried that the guy you've been seeing forever will never move toward marriage, this book offers help. It's for all the women who long for marriage but are afraid to admit it; embarrassed by their deepest desires or concerned that maybe they want it too much. It's for the parents of single women who wonder if there's anything they can do. And it's for married friends of singles who want to help but don't want to intrude.

This is not another book about seeking fulfillment in your singleness. As beings created in God's image; we were designed for relationship — that's why extended singleness leaves so many women discontent. It's also why we should be intentional about finding fulfillment in marriage. Getting married isn't just something that's "nice if it happens." It's what most of us are called to pursue.

Pursue, but not dominate. I'm not advocating getting married at all costs. But marrying well, for God's glory, is a worthy pursuit. There's a difference between making it happen and helping it happen. I'm not going to parrot the "girl-power," feminist worldview. Men have a key role to play. And how the single women they know relate to them has everything to do with their momentum toward marriage. This isn't a book about desperation or the hyper activity of joining every dating service and singles group. You won't find a list of 100 tips for meeting a hot man or five things you can do today to help you get married tomorrow.

What you will find is a way to live like you're planning to marry. Not just having a hope chest — but cultivating a lifestyle that is consistent with the season of marriage ahead. A life that's in harmony with God's work on your behalf. A life that nurtures men and the community around you to play their role so that you don't have to carry it all. Finally, you'll find in the context of this marriage-minded lifestyle a new confidence to pray like you never have — trusting that marriage is a goal within your grasp. You can risk hoping that you will get married. You really can help it happen.

Ready to learn how? Order now.

Taken from Get Married, Moody Publishers, © 2008 by Candice Watters.

An Update on the List of Thirty

One of the most encouraging inclusions in Get Married was the story about my friend Sharon's decision to ask 29 of her close friends to join her in dedicated prayer for husbands. The group of 30 agreed to begin in January of 2006. When they started, all of the women were single. Since then, I've periodically checked in with Sharon for an update on how the women are doing. And as of her latest report, sent Sunday, the list of marrieds is growing.

As for the list from what I know from people there are 15 married, 1 engaged and 4 dating. It was fun looking through the list and thinking about all the women and the vastly different stories God has written for all of us. I wish more women could see it and experience it to know there is not just one way to meet a man, that there are still amazing men out there and they are well worth the wait, even if it takes into your thirties. Oh, and there are 5 babies and 1 on the way (as far as I know).

I was encouraged by her update. I hope you will be, too!

The Benefits of a Dinner Party, and Other Creative Meeting Places

If you're burned out on the personals and typical internet dating sites, tired of meeting people who aren't good matches, but still hope to get married, there are some creative things you can do to improve your prospects. When it comes to finding a spouse, magazines, popular radio and TV personalities offer advice that are, at best, void of faith, and at worse, embarrassing or manipulative. At the other end of the spectrum are churches and sources of religious advice. They too often curtail their message, leaving many to conclude the most aggressive thing they can do to speed up the process is pray harder. And praying is a great place to start. But beyond that, what, if anything, can a single person do to pursue marriage?

Get out there.You don't have to go to every singles event in town to feel like you're making a worthy effort. Look instead for activities you enjoy. Pursue hobbies, attend church meetings, go to a book club or sporting event—whatever interests you. You're more likely to find someone with similar interests if you're engaged in an activity you both enjoy when you meet. If, on the other hand, you go to events or places you dread just because you think available potential mates will be attending, the people you meet there probably won't thrill you either.

Be discerning. Even if you enjoy an occasional glass of wine, I would never suggest bars or other potentially seedy hangouts as a place to start a meaningful relationship. Loud music, sensual dancing and excessive drinking and smoking aren't generally the recipe for a substantial relationship foundation.

Entertain in your home. If you're a true homebody and a night on the town sounds dreadful, host some events in your home. Consider inviting a few single friends over for a dinner party or game night, or host an extreme makeover party and get your friends in on the action—with a few gallons of paint, you can give your living room (or whole house) a face lift with the opportunity to grow closer in the process.

The added bonus is that by playing host or hostess, you'll get to display some of your unique talents in a very obvious and complimentary way. Guys, girls are impressed when a man takes care of his home, demonstrating stewardship. Likewise, men are attracted to women who show traditional nurturing and homemaking skills. To make the night even more interesting, challenge everyone to bring one person of the opposite sex that will be new to the group. That way everyone has the chance to meet someone new.

Check your motives. If you're avoiding activities you know you might enjoy—especially when eligible singles will be there—ask yourself why. Are you giving in to your insecurities? Does fear keep you from enjoying life? If there are underlying reasons why you're not engaging in social events, ask God in prayer and through Scripture to help you understand why. Talk with a trusted mentor, your parents or pastor about it. They may well have insights on things you're overlooking.

Join a local church. Though going to church just to meet a mate isn't a good motivation, active involvement and investment in the body can provide wonderful relationship help, both in how to relate with God and with people.

Look for a body that encourages and celebrates marriage. Does the singles group have high turnover as members marry, or are people stuck there for life? Are you meeting spiritually mature singles? Is there a vibrant, sizeable percentage of the congregation that is single? Or are you the only one? Even if you are, that's not all bad. What about the older members? They likely have sons and daughters, nephews and nieces, cousins, etc. they could introduce you to. Remember the importance of intergenerational relationships and the power of networking.

State your intentions. Do the people in your life know you desire marriage? Do they know the qualities you're seeking in a mate? They might be willing accomplices in the search — and even helpful ones at that — if they do. Don't be afraid to admit your desire for marriage. It's a high calling. The Bible gives two possible paths for singles: lifelong celibate service and marriage. If you're not on the first road, live with intentionality toward the second. It will make the journey more enjoyable and the destination more probable.