Good News, Your Kids are Average

“Everybody thinks their kids are above average. But it can’t possibly be that way because it defies the category of average.” So said one of our friends, a father of eight. It's a needed corrective in our day of hyper-parenting, but no reason to set low expectations for your offspring. I didn't always feel that way about his observation. I tell the story of my change of heart in "Most of Our Children are Average." Here's a snippet:

Just because our kids are average, he says, “doesn’t mean they’re mediocre, or that they need to live a life of mediocrity. It just means we don’t need to bloat their ego or increase their narcissism.”

How then should we parent? How do we encourage our children to be good stewards, to work hard and to do their best in a way that’s not ego-centric? Paul tells us in Colossians 3:17, 23-24, And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. . . . Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

We must shift their focus from themselves to God and shift their motivation from self-glory to God’s glory. If your children have an interest or talent that sets them apart from their peers, thank God for it. And teach your children to do the same. Then encourage them to develop that skill to serve others. Everything they have is from the Lord. Nothing is theirs by their own doing. They (and you) have no reason to boast (1 Cor. 4:7). In fact, the expectation is higher, not for greater success, but for more faithful stewardship. To whom much is given, much will be required (Luke 12:48).

Read the full article at ERLC.com.

How can I break up with an unbelieving boyfriend without turning him off to the faith?

Last week I received an email from a woman wondering about the best way to break up with her unbelieving boyfriend. She wrote,

I have decided to break up with my non-Christian boyfriend. Should I tell him that my main reason for doing so is his lack of faith and thereby risk turning him off to Christianity forever? Or should I withhold this information so that he won't associate my faith with the pain of being dumped?

I care a lot about him, and I definitely want him to find God on his own someday. I'm just afraid that I will do or say something to jeopardize his journey. Is there a way to do this kindly and honestly without damaging his view of God?

I love getting questions like this, especially when they're full of faith in the God who convicts us of sin and gives us strength to obey. I replied,

I'm so thankful you're willing to do what's painful in order to obey God's Word (1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14). This is evidence of the Holy Spirit's conviction. You're right that how you do this is important for how he perceives God. I don't think you should tell him your main reason for ending your romantic relationship is his lack of faith, however. Instead, I think you should tell him it's yours. ...

It's not your boyfriend's fault that this is ending so much as it's your responsibility that it began. As the believer in the relationship, you are the one who knows what God requires. If you're trusting in Christ's atoning work on the cross, you have the Spirit of Christ within you to empower you to obey. Rather than telling him it's over because of a faith he doesn't have — and risk a false conversion or, as you fear, a reason for him to be bitter about Christianity — explain that you were wrong to date him once you knew he didn't believe the Gospel. Tell him you're sorry for misleading him about your faith.

You can read my full answer at Boundless.org.

See the Bible's Big Story

It is no small feat to condense and summarize a 1,042 page book into just over 100 pages of artfully illustrated pages a child will want to sit on your lap and listen to you read aloud. Even more daunting is winsomely capturing the big theme that runs through those 66 diverse and complex books and making it understandable to a child without watering down its strength. That's what Kevin DeYoung has managed to do, along with illustrator Don Clark, in his new book, The Biggest Story: How the Snake Crusher Brings us Back to the Garden. It's hard to overstate the effectiveness of DeYoung's words -- the way he tells the whole story of the Bible in so few words ( the Bible is already a minimalist book that uses every word on purpose). But to see those words alongside such bold, vivid, and interesting illustrations is what makes it remarkable. DeYoung says of Clark's work, "Amazing. His illustrations are bright and captivating for a child, yet full of theological care and artistic sophistication for an adult to enjoy."

Here is a short clip that gives you the essence of a book that gives you the essence of the Bible. It's a shorter version of a short retelling with animated versions of the already eye-catching art. Watch it. And feel the power of the biggest story.

[embed]https://player.vimeo.com/video/135876132[/embed]

The Biggest Story isn't meant to be read instead of reading the Bible together as a family, but rather to help kids grasp the big ideas that tie everything in the Bible together. It's a compelling way to help your kids (and you) pick up the threads of sin, righteous wrath, and redemption that run from Genesis to Revelation.

Mei Fuh, a Treasure

In my recent search for living geography books I came across Little Pear, a short chapter book with whimsical illustrations about a boy growing up in a small Chinese village. Unlike dry textbooks, which are often written by a committee, living books are typically written by a single author who is passionate and knowledgable about his subject. Such books have a rich variety of vocabulary and are well written. Living books are memorable, lovable ways to learn about everything from history and literature, to math, music, and biology.

Before we were halfway done reading Little Pear aloud, however, we figured out the formula. The boy, Little Pear, is like an Asian Curious George. Every chapter is full of mischief but he never faces any consequences. As much as we wanted to learn about another culture in a faraway place, the lack of real-life cause-and-effect was disappointing. Even the dangers of running away from home to a big city, falling into a vast river, and lying to his parents resulted in happy coincidences, rescue, rewards, and increased privileges. Thankfully there are better books to choose from.

Enter Mei Fuh: Memories from China, an out-of-print treasure by Edith Schaeffer that I borrowed using our public library's interlibrary loan. The best kind of children's book is one that the youngest in the family loves nearly as much as the grown ups and big kids. Edith Schaeffer's Mei Fuh is such a book. A memoir of her life as a baby born in Wenchow China to missionary parens, Mei Fuh takes you into the life of a child who speaks more Chinese than English, knows how to eat rice and drink tea simultaneously, and has silk worms for pets.

Mei Fuh contain Schaeffer's earliest memories of life. Yet she adds the benefit of decades of reflection, and a Christian worldview, to delve into complex themes of private property and theft, love for nature and animals, and the sanctity of human life. Schaeffer weaves her memories into stories as skillfully as the Chinese woman who used her chopsticks to transform the silkworms' cocoons into luxurious silk for a dress.

As we read the book aloud, we felt the foreignness of being a stranger in a strange land. Schaeffer helped us feel what it was like to transition from the country of your birth to the country of your citizenship—how missionary life can resemble our residency on earth as citizens of heaven. These aren’t things Schaeffer tells her readers, but rather, her skillful stories show it. They left me drawing parallels, mulling over, meditating. Most memorable was God's providential care of the details—directing Schaeffer's birth in a far flung province of China, ordaining a childhood shaped by the customs and culture that would remain an influence on the rest of her life.

Having read Schaeffer's L'Abri before reading Mei Fuh, but both in the same year, I marveled to think that this twirling girl who loved the feel of smooth bamboo and the sights and smells of oiled umbrellas in a walled compound in Wenchow would grow up to the be the woman who would host so many seekers at the shelter, L'Abri. Her upbringing must have affected how she cooked, hosted guests, and thought about God's world and her place in it.

Moralizing books tell you what you should think. Elegant, living books show you such treasures through stories. They leave you asking questions and wanting to uncover the truth.

How can I tactfully let people know my desire for marriage?

When I was single, I was embarrassed to admit my desire for marriage because it felt like an admission of defeat. Thankfully God sent an older, wiser woman to help me see the benefits of enlisting help and letting people know that I hoped to marry one day. What does it look like to express the God-given desire for marriage in a way that doesn't come across too strong? Following is my answer to this question from a 26-year-old professional single woman. Q: I am pursuing an exciting career — but one that I would be willing to put aside to get married and start a family. It is my ultimate goal to bring God glory whether married or single, and since I am single right now, I am enjoying pursuing a professional goal.

However, at times I am suspicious that my current career focus may be getting in the way of being able to realize my marriage-and-family dream. Since I've embarked on my professional journey, I have been asked out much less, and my interactions with guys have turned much more professional. I find that the young men in my life show a high respect for me and give me support and affirmation in my professional journey (which I'm thankful for) but not much romantic interest.

How can I balance professional goals but also tactfully make it known that I want to be married?

A: The desire to let eligible men know you're interested in marriage without sounding desperate has long been a dance between grace and wit, but lately, it's gotten even trickier. In earlier times, marriage was the hope and goal of most women. It was the cornerstone for men and women, the foundation upon which adulthood was built.

Increasingly though, marriage researchers say it's the capstone, the final flourish added to the already completed structure. Many in our culture, while not happy about this trend, are willingly following the script that makes it so. Women are excelling in college and grad school, out-earning their male peers, and delaying marriage. The more they're cheered for doing so, the harder it is to prioritize marriage.

But it's not impossible. <Click here to read the full answer.>

Sea dragons, a desperate quest, and a final battle carry Warden and the Wolf King to the end of the Wingfeather Saga

by Harrison and Zoe Watters

Today the Warden and the Wolf King was released broadly. In Wolf King Andrew Peterson weaves a treacherous journey toward a glorious resolution of the Wingfeather Saga. The collection of books is a saga, of course, because it's the fourth in the series and "The Wingfeather Quadlogy" doesn't roll off the tongue so well. It's also a saga in that it fulfills every word of the definition of a saga--a "long story of heroic achievement." For those who may be new to the saga, let's go back to 2008 where Peterson begins On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness:

Just outside the town of Glipwood, perched near the edge of the cliffs above the Dark Sea, sat a little cottage where lived the Igiby family... [A]nd except for all the good, warm things that filled their days there like cider in a mug on a winter night, they were quite miserable. Quite miserable indeed, in that land where walked the Fangs of Dang.

In a world where man-sized lizards rule over all, and where deadly toothy cows rampage Glipwood Forest, Janner, Tink and Leeli (the Igiby children), live their relatively boring lives. The only thing that takes away the monotony is the annual "Dragon Day Festival" held in the nearby Glipwood Township. On the day of the festival, the small town overflows with visitors from haughty Torboro and grimy, thieving Dugtown. Visitors swamp "The Only Inn (Glipwood's only inn)" and fill the Green with tents. It's there at the festival the Igiby children make enemies with Slarb, one of the deadly Fangs of Dang, starting an uncontrollable chain of events which will destroy the life they hold dear and set them on the run to the only safe place left in Skree: the Ice Prairies. Many miles north of Glipwood, the barren Ice Prairies are the only place where the Lizards can't survive. But when a menace arrives from Dang, even the snowbound wasteland isn't safe from the monsters.

Each adventure in the saga shows the Igiby children seeking to evade the monsters and growing in courage and faith in the maker along the way. And now in Warden in the Wolf King we find them along with the valiant warriors of the Green Hollows in an all-out struggle with the monsters of Throg. Janner, the warden is challenged to protect his brother, the wolf king. Tink, also known as Kalmar, must destroy Gnag before the wolf inside destroys him. And Leeli must play her whistle harp to defend the Hollows from the fearsome Bat fangs. Together, they must save what little of the world is left to defend against the minions of Gnag.

I [Harrison] was hooked from the first chapter and raced through the 519 page book in two days. With each cliffhanger I quickly turned the page only to find the story shifting again and drawing me further in. I felt the pain of Kalmer, the courage of Janner, and the endurance of Leeli. I also felt (as I believe any reader could) great indignation for Gnag the Nameless and Treacherous Bonifor Squoon. As happens with the best books, their story became my story as I read. I hope they become your story as well.

I [Zoe] found Warden and the Wolf King to be an adventurous page-turner with a wonderful ending to a dangerous, unexpected journey. As we come to the end of this saga, I hope this book (and the whole series) will entertain and encourage you. Oh, and watch out for the toothy cows.

Our family enjoyed the opportunity to be personally invested in this final book in the saga when Andrew Peterson decided to launch a “Wingfeather Kickstarter Campaign” to finance book publishing. We were glad we came in at the Cave Blat level with our pledge of $35 because it not only provided us with a book and an e-book, but also with incentives for "stretch goals" (additional books, audio books, a map, etc.). Within a day of launching the campaign, Peterson met the first of six stretch goals and within a week he passed four others. By the end of the campaign, supporters  helped Peterson reach all six original goals along with two added toward the end. Wingfeather fans covered the $14,000 initial goal and then pushed it beyond $90,000.

Now after over two years of intensive writing and many years of dreaming, Peterson’s Wingfeather saga is complete. The saga that gave us fangs, toothy cows, cheesy chowder and “Get the Boot” has finally come to an end. Right?

Help for the Risks We're Called to Take

by Harrison Watters

It's easy for me to admire people like Ernest Shackleton, John F. Kennedy, and Harriet Beecher Stowe for the way they overcame the odds and survived a near-death trip to the south pole (Shackleton), swam two miles towing a wounded soldier away from a sinking ship (Kennedy), and challenged the status-quo on salvery by writing the book that President Lincoln purportedly said started the Civil War (Stowe). Even more so, as a Christian, I am inspired by men and women of Christ like Jim Elliot, Amy Carmichael, and William Booth, who by the power of the Spirit, took the gospel to Ecuador, India, and England (respectively).

What about you? Who are your heroes? I suspect we admire them in part because we would love to be like them in courage and endurance. But if we are honest with ourselves, we know that we wouldn't be able to do those things. You watch movies like, "End of the Spear," and think, "Wow! How did he do that? I'm glad I'll never be in his shoes!" In quiet, middle-class America, it's hard to think of risking all, of letting go of our lives for anything. Just keep plugging away at the job, have a nice home, wife, a couple of kids, two cars, and regular vacations and life will be great. Live the simple life.

These aren't bad things--some of us have been blessed by God with these things. We won't necessarily be called to missions, but we still need to be faithful to the work we are called to do.

As Christians, we are called to something greater than we could ever think of on our own--"something awesome." Which is exactly what Owen Strachan, professor of church history at Boyce College in Louisville, KY, shows us in his book, Risky Gospel. Strachan makes it clear that risk is precisely what we must do, but that we can't do it on our own. We need someone to help us do the works God has prepared for us. "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" (Ephesians 2:10).

We are called by the Master to do His work. It won't be easy or comfortable, but we must do it. Strachan says, "We will have 'tribulation,' which means pain, hardship, suffering. I don't know what you were promised when you became a believer, but this is Jesus' promise to us." But it's not without comfort. "God doesn't leave us alone. He calls to a great mission, offers us tremendous adventure, but then surprises us by telling is that he will be right beside us."

Strachan shows how believers can make a difference in the broad categories of faith, identity, spirituality, family, vocation, church life, evangelism, public witness, and finally, failure.

In the late 1800s a seemingly unknown man by the name of Henry Crowell founded the highly succesfull Quaker Oats company in Ravenna Ohio. Over the years, that company has grown to be one of the leading cereal producers in America. But unlike most wealthy entrepreneurs, Crowell wasn't intrested in creating a monopoly or racking up ten-digit numbers in his bank accounts. He was more concerned about furthering the Kingdom of Christ on earth. (That may be the reason he is so unknown by today's generation. Those who do the work of Christ are bound to be shunned by the world.) This is just one person Strachan brings to our attention in the pages of his book.

We are surrounded by heros of the faith who faithfully do the work God has given them to do, whether that be ministering in poor communities or serving in a health clinic, teaching children in a classroom or around their kitchen table, waiting tables or stocking shelves. We are called especially to be faithful to Christ in our vocations and workplaces, in our families and friendships and in our churches. To be a faithful witness to a coworker, to a brother or sister, to a fellow churchmember, is a beautiful thing in the eyes of God.

The stakes are high: risk all and gain everything, risk nothing and lose everything. Jesus said, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 10:39).

Read this book, then ask yourself, what are you willing to risk for the cause of Christ?

Harrison Watters is the eldest son of Steve and Candice Watters and an avid reader. This is his first contribution to the blog.

It’s already sticky

Though many of the local churches in our town canceled services two weeks ago due to heavy snowfall and freezing rain, we ventured out after hearing that ours would be open for as many as could make it. It was the perfect morning to wear the super soft fleece I’d bought on sale while shopping for Christmas presents for other people.

It was palest cloud blue and perfect for the frigid cold outside. Sometime during the service I realized I was maybe a little too excited about my new purchase, knowing that it’s just stuff. I heard a phrase in my head that Steve and I often use to remind ourselves of the fleeting nature of possessions: it’s already sticky. As in, no matter how pristine and new something is the moment you take it out of the packaging, it will only be a matter of days, hours, or even minutes before it’s broken, dirty, or as is more likely in a home filled with small children — sticky.

Fast forward to dinnertime. We were sitting around the table eating a festive meal with Christmas music playing in the background when suddenly, I felt the spray of an entire bottle of Sprite exploding beside me. It turns out our son thought it made soda even more fizzy if you shake the bottle before you open it. Indeed it does! While that may be a nifty trick for a near-flat bottle of soda, for one only two days old, it’s a disaster.

I had to laugh. But not before I nearly exploded myself. My new fleece! Only hours old and IT'S ALREADY STICKY!

Later that night, our five year old said during our family prayer time that he’s thankful for God’s kindness. I agree. His kindness is meant to lead us to repentance (Romans 2:4). God used the misguided notion that pop should be shaken before opening, in His kindness, to remind me that I needed to repent for making too much of a sweatshirt. And for that, I am thankful.

Key to the Christian Life: Be Fruitful

What's the essential message to guide you in all of life—a simple encouragement bringing clarity for Christians wondering what to do with their life or seek direction in work, in education, in relationships, and in ministry calling?

Consider the first two words the Bible records God speaking to mankind. It's a call He issues throughout the whole Bible: "Be fruitful."

Fruitfulness is what God expects of His creation, the evidence that we are Christ's disciples, and what glorifies the Father.

Are you fruitful? Perhaps the greatest impediment to fruitfulness is that we are notoriously conditioned to be consumers.

Our souls need the truth Jesus revealed to His disciples the night of the Last Supper:

I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. ... As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5)

Keep Reading at Boundless.org.

How to Find Good books, part 1

"Is that a good book?" I asked my friend, picking up the hardback her son had set on our couch. "I don't know," she said, "I hope so.” She seemed uncertain. “He reads so fast I have a hard time keeping up with him." She said she tries to stay a step ahead, scanning his library selections ahead of time, but not really knowing what's in the books he's reading.

I understand her challenge. Having kids who love books is a good thing. Having readers who are hard to keep up with is both challenge and joy. I'm glad our kids like to read a lot, even as I'm aware of my responsibility to guide their selections. I want them to read creative, excellent, inspiring books. But it can be hard to find those among the weeds on the library shelves. That's increasingly a problem as they advance to middle school and beyond.

With so many bad choices available for kids, how can you find the good ones?

Enter books of books.

These are collections of some of the best of children's literature, mostly classics, with some recents. Officially called "annotated bibliographies," these books contain lists of children's books with a sentence or more describing each book. And they're a great help. When my kids are ready for more books, these are the resources I go to again and again.

Honey for a Child's Heart, by Gladys Hunt

This is my oldest book of books. Written in 1969, Honey is now in its fourth edition. I have the 1978 copy my mom used when we were kids. I've read and re-read it, beginning with the inviting introduction by Stony Brook's Frank Gaebelein. He writes, "The home is still the greatest educational force, and parents who make reading attractive contribute immeasurably to their children's intellectual, emotional, and spiritual development."

Hunt inspires me further, writing,

Children and books go together in a special way. I can't imagine any pleasure greater than bringing to the uncluttered, supple mind of a child the delight of knowing God and the many rich things He has given us to enjoy. This is every parent's privilege, and books are his keenest tools. Children don't stumble onto good books by themselves ...

Hunt makes it her aim to help parents find those good books so they can lead their children well with  chapters like What Makes a Good Book?, The Pleasure of a Shared Adventure, and Who Influences Your Children? She follows these with lists of books organized by grade, from picture books for toddlers all the way up to hard chapter books for teenagers.

Read for the Heart, by Sarah Clarkson

This book of books is full of wonderful classics. Clarkson sorts her recommendations by category: Picture Books, Golden Age Classics, Children's Fiction, Fairy Tales, History and Biography; Spiritual Reading for Children; Poetry; and Music, Art, and Nature. I especially like her Appendices that list Caldecott and Newbery Medalists, as well as three well-loved series: G.A. Henty, Trailblazers, and Landmark History. I've been using the lists to build our library of out-of-print classics through used-books websites.

Read Aloud Handbook, by Jim Trelease

When I was pregnant with our first-born, my friend, a grade-school teacher, gave this book to me. It outlasted all the onesies and receiving blankets I received and set me on my way to reading to our children. Trelease convinced me early on of the vast benefits of reading out loud to your children when they're little, and never stopping. He says,

Extensive research has proven that reading aloud to a child is the single most important factor in raising a reader. It is also the best-kept secret in American education. This inexpensive and pleasurable fifteen minutes a day—either in the home or in the classroom--is more effective than worksheets or any other method of reading instruction.

You never outgrow being read to. I still like it when Steve reads to me while I make dinner. I get to hear articles I probably wouldn't find time to read otherwise and we get to talk about what we're reading, thinking through ideas together.

Additional books of books to buy or borrow:

Books Children Love: A Guide to the Best Children's Literature, by Elizabeth Laraway Wilson, with a foreword by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay, daughter of L'Abri's Francis and Edith Schaeffer.

Though not primarily a book of books, Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise's The Well-Trained Mind includes a robust annotated bibliography as part of their list of resources for educating at home. If you're looking for living books by subject (e.g., history, art, literature) and grade, this is good go to.

The Read-Aloud Family: Making Meaningful and Lasting Connections with Your Kids, by Sarah Mackenzie, founder and host of the Read Aloud Revival podcast.

If you have a good library near by, I suggest getting all of these in turn to decide which will best meet your needs and fit your style of reading. One good book of books will keep your library basket full of great books for a while.

That first baby shower is a distant memory now. But I’ve since followed my gift-giving friend's example and give one of these wonderful resource books to expectant moms. Second only to a silver cup or spoon, books outlast all other shower gifts. You may not be able to eat out of a book, but well chosen, it will nourish your soul forever.

I Married an Unbeliever, Now What?

Last week advice columnist Starshine Roshell answered a question at TheWeek.com from a self-described Christian woman married to an atheist man. She wrote,

I have been married for two years, and we just got pregnant. Neither of us was planning it and we were using birth control, but I guess we were the lucky 1 percent. I really love my husband... but he is a devout atheist and I am a devout Christian. I want to have the baby, and so does he, but we are having a hard time deciding how we will bring up our child. What do people do in this situation?

Albert Mohler talks about this question, and Starshine's response, on today's briefing with a strong word to Christians who are thinking about marrying an unbeliever (atheist or otherwise.). This is a cautionary tale: Scripture is clear that we are not to be "unequally yoked."

But what if you wrote the question (or could have)? What if you are already married to an unbeliever? Or what if you became a believer after you were married? This side of the altar, what are you supposed to do?

A few years ago I answered a question like that on Boundless.

QUESTION

Ten years ago, as a young girl raised with strong Christian parents and about to graduate from a Christian high school, I would have never believed that I would be where I am today. I feel sick to my stomach after reading these articles. The reason isn't because the articles are offensive, but rather because according to these articles, my life is terribly offensive to God.

I did "Missionary Date" my now-husband in college (well, actually I was in denial; his referring to himself as a Christian did not make him one), have been "unequally yoked" to him for five years now, and at the young age of 20 and 23 made "not having babies" our option. At 26, he had a surgery that made having babies not an option.

I've taken three wrong turns and I am lost. I am determined not to divorce and I'm reluctant to reverse our decision (and surgery) about not having children since the reason I decided not to still remains: I'm too afraid to raise a child without a Christian husband. Please advise me on the right way to live under these circumstances that I've created for myself.

ANSWER

Thank you for writing. I'm so glad you did because I want to assure you and encourage you that while those articles speak to where you are, they were not written to condemn you. The primary reason for the first article is to encourage not-yet-marrieds to make wise dating decisions. The purpose of the second is to exhort believers who don't yet have kids (whether married or not) to have a biblical worldview about bearing children.

In your case, the articles are descriptive. But as your email reveals, they don't go far enough to say what to do if you've already ignored such advice. You've admittedly made some mistakes. The Bible calls them sin. That's the hard truth. The good news, however, is that Christ died to cover your sins with His blood and there is forgiveness at the foot of the cross and the empty tomb.

Scripture goes on to tell believers in exactly your circumstance what you can do about it. Paul tells the believers in Corinth who are married to non-believers that,

If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace (1 Corinthians 7:12-15).

Peter also addresses your situation, encouraging you that you can win your husband to Christ without even speaking a word.

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

I admire your commitment to your wedding vows and your disdain of divorce. Both are evidence of the Holy Spirit at work in your heart and both are powerful testimonies to your husband of your faith. I would encourage you to keep praying daily for him both in your quiet time as well as in agreement with other mature believers (keeping in mind that prayer for him should not be confused with gossiping about him). God can save him and often does lead whole families to faith through the persistent prayers of a believing relative.

You can't change the past. But you can repent for your disobedience, and you can start acting from this point forward with biblical wisdom. How do you do that? By praying and asking God for wisdom (James 1:5); by studying God's Word so that you can know what it says and what it requires of you (Psalm 119, 2 Timothy 2:15, Micah 6:8); and by asking your pastor or the elders of your church for help and accountability. Have you asked for counsel and prayer from those in leadership? The body of Christ is a strong help to us when we're facing major challenges if we will walk with other believers in the context of a biblically faithful church.

Finally, even if your husband never comes to know Christ personally, you can trust God's sovereignty to ultimately redeem your situation; to bring beauty from ashes.

This is not the time to be downcast or discouraged, but the time to repent for your sins, walk by faith, and to put your hope and trust in the Lord's ability redeem your life and marriage in a way that demonstrates His faithfulness and miracle-working activity in the lives of those who trust Him.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man (Romans 8:1-3).

There is great reward, joy and life to be had in the path of obedience. I pray God will equip you for what you must do. I pray He will give you a long and fruitful marriage that bears witness to His sovereignty in your life.

Sincerely, CANDICE WATTERS

Are we ready for Christians considering childlessness?

The cause of intentional childlessness is going mainstream. Time magazine gave its cover to the cause with a lead story on the childfree life called The Childfree Life: When Having it all Means not Having Children. In that story, Lauren Sandler writes, "women who choose not to become mothers are finding new paths of acceptance. As their ranks rise, so do positive attitudes about leading a life in which having it all doesn't mean having a baby." The thrust of the article is a desire for the intentionally childfree (not to be confused with those who have been unable to conceive) to avoid any judgment for their choice and even to be celebrated. We should not be surprised to see bold advocacy for the childfree life in a culture that has come to prize the homosexual pattern of coupling with its intense emphasis on sexual expression, wink-wink attitude toward monogamy and disconnection between intimacy and reproduction. We should expect in a culture that values autonomy and sexual expression above all, a moral revolution in which the childfree are initially addressed as moral outliers, then elevated to victims of cruel judgment, then promoted to a place of moral enlightenment, while any who would esteem having children as an integral aspect of human flourishing are increasingly deemed morally backward. We should expect this among those who breathe the air of daily life in contemporary Western civilization. The preoccupation with sex as the highest good leaves little vision for the sacrifices required by the children that sex might produce.

But we should also increasingly expect to see this in our churches.  Even though Jonathan V. Last, Mary Eberstadt, and others have been explaining that churches are among the last communities who value children as part of a life with a cause bigger than themselves, we increasingly see church attendees who believe instead that the church should be more like the world around it.

A good example is a recent post by Relevant magazine, Why I Decided to Not Have Kids. This post, as well as the comments that follow an article Kathleen Neilsen wrote for The Gospel Coalition (The Problem with the Childfree Life), give us an indication for how the childfree aspiration is showing up in the church. Are we ready with the hope of Christ for Christians considering childlessness?

Are we ready first with accurate information?

JaJa Yang, author of the Relevant article raises an alarm about overpopulation. "...we have filled the earth to the tune of 7.1 billion people and one birth every 8 seconds," she says, adding: "(I am watching the world population clock ticking away as I write)." We have been hearing warnings of overpopulation since 1968 when Paul Ehrlich wrote The Population Bomb and prophesied that growing population would outrun available resources and threaten the survival of mankind. The gross inaccuracy about population growth has been the assumption that the problem comes down to so many people having so many babies.  The reality is that most of the world population growth has been tied to health advances that extend life, not to a spike in more planned births. As demographer Nicolas Eberstadt explains, "it's not that people have been multiplying like rabbits, it's that they stopped dying like flies." Even the United Nations and numerous countries that believed Paul Ehrlich's warnings and then implemented radical efforts to cut birth rates are now reversing course and warning of the population implosion that is occurring as the childfree vision is taking root and countries with expanding elderly populations face dismally low new birth rates.

Are we ready with good theology vs. a "Precious Moments" religion?

Our churches and even pro-family organizations often have little to offer those who ask the question, "Why have children?" In part, this is because people over 50 rarely heard that they needed solid answers to that question before becoming parents. Today, singles and couples are warned to think long and hard about the world they would bring children into, are counseled to count every penny those children would cost and are prodded to take on the venture only once they have compelling reasons to do so. When they ask their parents, "So, why should we have kids?' they often get blank stares from parents who never wrestled with such a question or at times will cause their parents to doubt their own course and to wonder if maybe they should have waited on kids or avoided having children themselves.

What won't serve skeptical singles and couples is a "Precious Moments" religion that simply dotes on the blessings of children ("You'll just love their first smile" "There's nothing like unconditional love of a baby," etc.). Sentimentality about babies and childhood only goes so far in the face of the counterevidence mounting in the trial against parenthood. As my wife and I wrote in our book Start Your Family,"the realist will tell you that for every precious moment comes hours of toil. The consumer in you will remember that a lot of those superficial joys can be had, or nearly so, with the swipe of your credit card. Alternatives abound promising instant gratification and generous return policies."

Those who have received the Spirit of God should have answers that are compellingly distinct from those who are limited to the spirit of the world. Our answers must be marked by:

1) a reverence for a God who created us with the miraculous ability to create new life from sexual union

2) a trust in His revealed Word that is filled start to finish with an expectation of fruitfulness that will spread His glory to the ends of the earth--a vision of fruitfulness that clearly grows from a biological context to a spiritual context, but continues to stand in bold contrast to a consumeristic culture that rejects both biological and spiritual fruitfulness

3) a theology of sanctification that doesn't whitewash the sacrifices children require, but demonstrates the kindness of God in making one of the primary means of our sanctification also one of the greatest means of our blessing

4) a compassion for those who have been unable to have children, who worry that past abuse will make them poor parents, or who feel overwhelmed by debt and other financial obstacles to starting a family--but a compassion that points to the hope of Christ and not identity politics or other hopeless cultural grievances

5) and a life that incarnationally bears the fruit of the Spirit and demonstrates loving marriages that spill over into new life, a commitment to not only bear new life, but to bear the responsibility to discipline and disciple that life as unto the Lord.

The child free moment is here, are you ready with the hope of a God who is faithful to all generations?