Suzanne Hadley is a fellow blogger and friend who recently got engaged. And just under three months after Kevin popped the question, they're getting married! And he's younger than she is. She's told her story before—and I love her story because it's so encouraging to 30-plus single, never-married women. But her article on Boundless yesterday takes the cake! Talk about category busting. She's giving away secrets here, ladies. And exploding myths. In "I Kept Looking" she bemoans four in particular:
- God will give you a husband when you stop looking for one.
- He'll only bring him to you when you're ready.
- The best marriages begin when you're in your early 20s.
- If you're not married, it's because something's wrong with you.
To these she says,
- "I was looking"
- "I wasn't ready"
- "I waited until I was past my prime"
- "I let myself go."
She explains, "there are several pieces of relationship lore that I ignored, either on purpose or inadvertently in my journey to finding my fiancé, Kevin." For example,
I thought, you "quit looking" and a man perfect for you materializes out of thin air. It didn't totally make sense to me, but this wasn't the first time I'd heard this kind of argument. As if the act of "forgetting" that you want to be married and have a family will cause God to push some Willy Wonka-esque button that produces the golden egg: a husband.
Regarding her looks, she says,
I didn't stop trying; I just stopped obsessing. I continued to wear my hair in a flattering style. I took up running for exercise. I focused on good skincare. But I also accepted my average, not-skinny weight and imperfect skin, and quit comparing myself (as much) to other girls. Accepting my outward appearance gave my inner beauty a chance to shine more brightly. When I walked into Kevin's Starbucks that day, he says he was wowed by my confidence and smile.
The key to her article, and her story, though, isn't that she merely chucked conventional wisdom out the window. She replaced it with biblical wisdom instead. Don't miss this! She says,
I am proof you can mess up the formula and still get the guy. I was looking, I wasn't ready, I was past my prime and I had let myself go. Four seeming no-no's. But there was something else going on. To the best of my ability, I was being faithful. Despite the disappointment of still being single past 30, I tried each day to be worthy of the calling I had received (Eph. 4:1) by taking the opportunities God placed in my path.
Everyone has a calling. And being faithful to the One who has called you is the absolute best way to have a fulfilling, hope-filled life. Faithfulness leads you to the places God wants you to go, including those places where you might bump into someone who's headed the same direction. That's why it's wise to keep looking.
What worldly advice have you displaced with God's Word?