Fears and Anxieties
From Celesta B. (Canton, GA)
I remember loads of specific fears and anxieties, namely how would we affordcto relinquish a steady salary so that I could stay home and raise our baby. This wasn't some passing worry; this was the reason we prolonged the "act" so long after we finally made the decision that we did indeed want to have a child.
We agonized over how we could afford to be responsible for a tiny human. I remember this anxiousness hovered over all my waking moments and clouded my faith that God would provide for us and financially honor our commitment to stay home. To be honest, I can't say that I ever really had true faith that God would provide. I hoped He would. I prayed He would. But, I stayed unsettled and worried right through my maternity leave with my employer.
And then, moment by moment, "coincidence" by "coincidence", He was there helping us make ends meet, stretching my husband's salary farther than we thought it could go, bringing big name clients to my newly-established writing business. Now, three years in, those fears seem so far away. Yes, we still have big dreams for a financially secure future, but we've lived more abundantly in these three years than we ever did before our babies arrived. I smile to really finally internalize this promise (and reprimand):
"See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his glory was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, `What will we eat?' or `What will we drink?' or `What will we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them."